How to Help Your Loved One With Alzheimer's Cope With Loss

Article Written by: Beverly Nelson of Stand Up for Caregivers

Image via Pixabay

It happens each and every day. Disease and tragedy claim the lives of people we care about, and we are filled with sadness, confusion, anger, and fear as we come to terms with a life without the people we love the most on this earth.

The loss of a loved one is never easy. For those among us who are suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia, grief can be a particularly difficult emotion to process. For most people, the pain of loss subsides over time. We are left with memories that could never replace our loved one but do remind us of our time together. For someone with memory loss, this part of the healing process can be impossible.

Maintaining memories

While dementia is a group of symptoms without a specific disease, Alzheimer’s is a specific disease that attacks brain cells and neurotransmitters, which results in memory loss and changes in behavior. There are things seniors can do to reduce memory loss, such as embrace a healthy lifestyle. Also, there are games and activities that can help seniors exercise their memory function, and there are many effective medications for Alzheimer’s, too. But depending on the progress of the disease, adjusting to life without a loved one is especially challenging for someone with Alzheimer’s.

Impactful moments 

Alzheimer’s is characterized by confusion. As such, people who suffer from the disease may sense that something has happened or something is missing without remembering or understanding that a loved one has passed away. They may confuse a recent loss with an earlier one, or they may simply sense something is wrong without knowing what. This may cause them to become stressed, restless, or agitated.

The response will depend, at least in part, on how far the dementia has progressed. In the early stages, people tend to have an easier time understanding and remembering the loss with only occasional moments of forgetfulness. As the illness progresses, lucid moments are generally fewer and more spread out, making it more difficult to gauge how the person is dealing with the loss.

Facing the loss

When the loss is that of a spouse and/or primary caregiver, the struggle to cope can be even more difficult. Regardless of how cognizant the person seems, the absence of that person will be felt day in and day out. From the time they wake up each morning to the time they go to bed each night, a constant in their life will be missing. In some cases, your loved one may be able to communicate their feelings. If not, they may respond emotionally with behavioral outbursts, increased anxiety, or depression.

Providing support

For friends, family members, and caregivers, helping a loved one with dementia deal with the death of a partner presents a series of challenges. When do you tell them? Who should communicate the news? How do you handle it when they forget? Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to these questions. The solution will be different for each individual. For that reason, you should be sure to tailor your response to your loved one’s needs, with a focus on empathy and compassion.

Timing tough talks

If your loved one still has moments of clear thinking, you may choose to wait to tell them about the loss when they can comprehend it. You may choose to tell them by yourself, or you may enlist the help of a trusted caregiver or medical professional. If your loved one keeps questioning or forgetting the loss, your response can vary. Sometimes you may choose to remind your loved one of their loss, while other times you may choose to save them reliving the pain by redirecting the conversation.

Beyond breaking the news, you can help your loved one cope by ensuring they feel as stable and supported as possible in the other areas of their lives. Maintaining routines, avoiding big changes, and making sure he or she doesn’t become socially isolated after the loss of their partner and primary caregiver may help minimize emotional distress associated with the loss.

Finally, give yourself grace too. If you are the one responsible for caring for the person left behind, you are likely coping with the loss of a loved one yourself. Taking the time to care for yourself can not only help you manage your own grief; it will also allow you to take better care of your loved one in their time of need.